Do you Smell Smoke?

You smell smoke.  You start to freak out. 
The Smoke alarm is going off.   Emergency, Emergency! 
Get us out of here now!

----

This is Part 4 of Life with Little People.  You can go back and read part 1, part 2, and part 3 if you missed them.


Smoke.  An Alarm going off. 
This is an example Jankovic uses in her book, Loving the Little Years.  It is one of the shortest chapters, and it left me wanting more.  Wait… that’s all you’re going to write on it ?  Tell me more!  Tell me 3 steps to solve my parenting dilemmas.  No.  She doesn’t do that.  She paints this illustration and leaves us with it….

She actually uses the illustration in regards to house things. Cleaning, and laundry.  When the “smoke alarms go off for you”  But I read it and immediately applied to both house needs as well as parenting moments. 

You smell Smoke, the fire alarm is going off.

But here is the problem:
Sometimes it was not the house burning down
so much as it was just a burnt piece of toast.

Did you catch that??  Let me repeat that.

Sometimes it was not the house burning down
so much as it was just a burnt piece of toast

So What is it for you?  What causes your “smoke alarms” to go off?

For me it is usually the following:

~Trying to get 3 children out the door with coats and gloves.  Wait, where are your gloves?  Why don’t you have your shoes on yet?

~Getting dinner ready while a baby screams  “Ho--me”

~Child 1 spilling milk while another child is trying to get out of her highchair for for the 10th time, while a 3rd is singing and whistling at the table…all while I am trying to talk to Daddy over dinner.

-Walking through the house and seeing the laundry to be folded, the dishes to be emptied, and feeling simply defeated by this “shoveling snow in a snowstorm” household of mine.

It is the domino effect…
1 thing, then another, then another.  And before I know it… I am smelling smoke. I feel my chest tighten, my blood beginning to boil.  I smell smoke and I am convinced the house is burning down. 

Jankovic talked about this in an earlier chapter when she exhorted us…

The situation is crazy, but you are the one responsible
to get the grace to deal with it.

It comes down to me… breathing.  Closing my eyes, and taking a breath and remembering.  This is the life God has given me… this is the day that the Lord hath made.  I will rejoice and be glad in it.
I can either freak out over all of my small children and  their multiple needs and multiple messes, and multiple noises they make. 

OR…
I can remind myself…
                 The house is NOT on Fire.  It’s just burnt toast. 

And I can live with a little burnt toast.  The excitement of the smoke alarm goes away, and you just light a nice Vanilla candle to cover it all up. 

 

So the next time your “smoke alarms” of parenting are going off...
Ask yourself…
Is the house really on fire or is that just Burnt Toast?

Life with Little People–Part 3

--------- Thanks for joining in on Part 3 of Life with Little People.  Make sure you catch up with Part 1 and Part 2!

In her book, “Loving the Little Years” Jankovic challenges us to Sacrifice.

Sacrifice the thing you are doing to work through issues with your children.  Sacrifice your peace for their fun, your clean kitchen floor for their help cracking eggs, your quiet moment for their retelling of a dream.

Prioritize your children far and away above the other work you need to get done.  They are the only part of your work that really matters.

 

This has really challenged me.  Of course I view my role as a mother as a sacrifice.  A worthy calling.  but when we get down to the nitty gritty of life, I really don’t want to sacrifice.  

-I need to make dinner and I need to make dinner right now.

-After playing with or helping the kids I just sat down at my computer.  And all I want is a little time for “me”

 

I confess that I have been guilty of saying the following

“Kid time is over”

“Mommy just needs 5 minutes to herself”

“I need all kids out of the kitchen NOW”

“Can everyone please stop talking”

Now I am not saying there aren’t times when you might have to say those things.  Because sometimes you do need to make dinner without 3 little helpers.  But I find myself saying them more than I like.  Almost as if what I really am saying is “I’d be a much better mother if I didn’t have all these kids bothering me”

And I have to ask myself…
Am I viewing my children or my role as a mother as a Burden or as a Blessing?  As a challenge or as a calling?

I want to joyfully embrace this place God has me…
In this ever so short (yet seemingly long) season of mothering little people. 

I want to offer …
       my life,
             my time, 
                   my heart,
                         my hugs,
                               my lap,
                                     my attention, 
                                            my all,
                                                  my everything.

 

Sacrifice….

There is saying (I think from the classic book Tyranny of the Urgent) that talks about Choosing the Best over the Good.   People talk a lot about choosing the Important over the Urgent…especially with time management, and personal schedules.  But with parenting, we must also consider this question. 

      Am I choosing the Best over the Good?  
                         The Important over the Urgent?


Do I need to do this now? Or can it wait?  For me, in order to Choose the Best and the Important… In requires me to Sacrifice.  And sadly, I confess… I often don’t want to sacrifice.

I am reminded of an old poem, I first read in the nursery of a family I babysat for in High School:

Song for a Fifth Child
By Ruth Hulburt Hamilton

Mother, oh Mother, come shake out your cloth
empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
hang out the washing and butter the bread,
sew on a button and make up a bed.
Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She's up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.

Oh, I've grown shiftless as Little Boy Blue
(lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
(pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo).
The shopping's not done and there's nothing for stew
and out in the yard there's a hullabaloo
but I'm playing Kanga and this is my Roo.
Look! Aren't her eyes the most wonderful hue?
(lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).

The cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,
for children grow up, as I've learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.
I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep.

 

So what about you? 
What or where do you need to sacrifice?  Wont’ you join me?
As we learn to say No… in order to say Yes. 

Life With Little People – Part 2

So did you enjoy last week’s edition of Life with Little People ?
If you haven’ read it, you should really check it out. 

We left off considering the following quote from Jankovic’s book “Loving the Little Years”

Your children are not a situation. They are individuals.-----

I have really been trying so hard to remember this.  But I admit that sometimes I think being more organized would help with this.  Shoes in the Basket, Jackets on the hook. I say it every time we walk in the door.  Does that make it any easier?  Sometimes. 
But not really. We have a routine, I pack the diaper bag the night before, I lay out clothes… but that doesn’t mean that we have order all the time.  Because life just happens. 

Christian Parenting is a pastoral pursuit,
not an organizational challenge

I mean, really?  Why must she challenge me again and again?
But I want my organization (not that I have a ton of it) to solve my parenting issues.   Even with chore charts, and schedules, labeled baskets for toys…. the needs of my children overwhelm me.

Most of the time the children do not realize that what they are doing is overwhelming.  It’s because children do not forget that they are individuals.

Did you catch that?  We are the ones that forget they are individuals.  Someone comes up to us, tapping us on our leg, asking for help reaching a toy…. and it just is the 10th thing that happened in the past 15 minutes.  And we sigh.  We snap.  We tell them we’re busy.   

They just want us… need us. 
And it’s not their fault that they all need us at the same time. 

Recently (or almost every day) the following soundtrack has been heard at our house.  Each color is a different child.  Stay with me.

Tap tap tap.
“Mommy mama, mama, can you MOMMY help me hol-me, hol-me mama WIPE MY get this toy? BOTTOM! "

You literally must laugh out loud at times… lest you cry…. cause only crazy insane people hear things like that.  But maybe I am crazy and insane.  Don’t comment on that.

But you know how it goes…the tone gets higher in pitch,
they increase the volume, they focus on the first syllable.
Perhaps if they say your name 10 times in row, really fast you will hear them better.  

Mama
Mah,ma?
MAMA
MahMAH??
MAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMA . 

They just want us… they need us. 
And it’s not their fault that they all need us at the same time. 

Each little person has their own little needs.  And each little person thinks their need is the most important need at the moment.  Juice, dance party, lost star wars figure, not being able to find the perfect bow… these are the needs and I am the one to meet them.  And no organizational chart, or schedule can make meeting these needs any easier.

Now of course, we must instill in our children patience, self control, considering others, respecting when I say “no” or “hold on”.  They don’t run the show, getting whatever they want whenever they want it.   But I know for me, I can get so exhausted from the “Mama’s” that I just start saying “No”.  

No, I can’t get that. 
No, you may not have another snack.
No, I said no.  Just no. 

I want to be a mom who says “YES” more, and “NO” less.

-Yes you can make a fort…what else are we doing?

-Yes you can wear that outfit (even if none of it matches)

-Yes, you can make your own “Smoothie” with milk and juice and smooshed blueberries.

-Yes, I will close my computer to read to you…because you’re more important

-Yes, we can stay in our PJs all day…because why not?

-Yes I will cuddle you one more time…because pretty soon you won’t want to cuddle.  Won’t need to cuddle.

-Yes, I will stop to really figure out why you are crying instead of just telling you to stop crying.

I want to make my “No” matter.  For the Big things.

So what about you? 

~~Are you remembering that your little people are just little?  That to them their needs are huge. And to them, your are the one who can fix it all? 

~~Are you remembering that they are individuals? 

~~What areas can you say “Yes” to this week instead of “No”?

See you next week for more Life With Little People !

Life with Little People—Part 1

I have been reading this book lately, Loving the Little Years by Rachel Jankovic.  I say “Have” been reading, because I just keep re-reading parts over and over.

 

Its honest, candid, simple to read chapters have challenged my heart to consider my mothering in deeper ways than I have in a while.   So much she writes about leaves you considering your parenting, your family, and your heart.   Over the next four Mondays I hope to unpack for you some of the things I am learning about mothering in these little years.  And who knows, maybe this series will continue on after the 4 weeks!

We all know the situation well….
            It’s time to go to church…

-You have asked Child #1 to clean up the toys.  Instead they get sidetracked by playing with the toys.  They’ve disobeyed and not done as you’ve asked.  You begin correcting them, but then…

-Child #2 needs help putting a coat on

-Child #3 is crying because she is a baby and just wants a bottle   
               (this is just an example…no, Helen does not take a bottle)

-My husband calls down (nicely) asking if there are any clean undershirts (this is not just an example, and happens ALL the time)

-And me--- I am just wondering where my coffee is.
And we  are supposed to be out the door to church in 5 minutes.

 

You feel the pressure mounting inside of you.  For me it is like a burning ball inside of me that makes me want to shout…
At someone.  I feel like I just can’t take it. 

Jankovic describes it like this:

The situation is crazy, but you are the one responsible to get the grace to deal with it.

A child needs to be disciplined for disobeying. 
Sure, there is sin there.   But the situation is not sin. 

That is just worth repeating.  
The situation itself is NOT Sin.

The child struggling to put a jacket on is not doing anything wrong, they are just being a child… needing help with a jacket.

The Baby is just being a baby.

Shoes get lost, children need help with zippers, babies need to eat.  These things happen…

Your children are not a situation. They are individuals.

Ouch.

This rang SO true for me.  Individually, each child's needs and issues are not that big of a deal.  But piled on top of each other, they can sometimes push me over the edge.  I find that I just need to take a breath, handle one thing at a time, and give each child the grace and patience they deserve. 

As a mother, I am trying to grow in patience, gentleness, and self control.  I am the adult…they are just children.  I am the one who is supposed to know God’s word.  Who knows how God calls us to live.  And I need to live as I want my children to live.  Speaking words of peace, extending grace, serving them with love.
 
And as Jankovic exhorts us :

I am the one who needs to find the grace
to deal with the situation.  

And that my friends is what I am trying to do…
I am trying to find the grace in those moments.  These Little People are so precious, but they sure do give us ample opportunities to extend grace, to practice patience, to die to self.

Won’t you join me?

I pray that you will join me over the next 4 weeks as I consider my Life With Little People, and the ways I am being challenged to love them the way God has called me to.