I just want to find something I am really good at….
I am not an immaculate house keeper…I clean because it’s a necessity of life. I love cleaning windows though… dirty window, spray, wipe = clean window. Check! I almost feel a sense of accomplishment after cleaning windows and mirrors… And then my kids wake up..and those clean windows are…G-O-N-E.
I am not the Pioneer Woman nor Bakerella in the kitchen… I cook because we must eat. Once my children are not screaming bloody murder from the hours of 4-6, I might enjoy cooking more and use more fancy ingredients that require fresh herbs, and multiple steps like chopping, mincing, and sautéing, etc.
I am not a crafty person. Taught myself to sew (with a little background from 7th grade home-ec) and I sew what I need to sew. I have done curtains, a few burp pads decked out with grosgrain, a nursing cover. I tried some dresses. I am just not a great sewer (seamstress?).
I am not a great gardener. And that’s all I have to say about that.
I am not a runner or athlete at all…and can play no sport…yes, I know I grew up on Hilton Head, and NO…. I don’t play tennis or golf.
I once played piano, but not anymore….but I can still play, it’s just rusty. I know I can sing deep inside, but haven’t held a mic since before I had children. I once dabbled in theater. But the arts is a hobby one must truly cultivate. You can’t just put it on the shelf and pick it up in 10 years. And I am rusty in all of the above , and honestly…just not quite good at any of it.
Then we have mothering…
Am I a Good mother? (you know we all ask ourselves this)
The problem with mothering is it’s not a hobby. You don’t get to try it out, and quit. You can’t train harder, practice longer, and just get better. You can’t decide it isn’t the sport for you. There are no sub-ins. No understudy. No back up plan.
It’s all me.
And I confess there are days when I wonder if I am a good mother. And I confess that I know there are days when I am not.
I fail constantly. I make big mistakes. I have huge regrets.
I am not a professional.
I am not an expert.
There is not a doctorate in mothering one can acquire.
I knew way more about mothering before I was a mother.
Yet, this is my calling… what God has called me to do. He has given me these 3 precious babies, and called me to be their mother. He must know what He is doing.
He says that He will give me everything I need for life and godliness (2 Peter 1:3) … and I am sure that covers my needs for mothering.
And this promise is for ME… And for you…
“He tends His flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in His arms and carries them close to His heart; He gently leads those that have young.” Isaiah 40:11
He will care for them. He will care for me.
And maybe…just maybe….
If I let Him care for me, I will be better able to care for them.
So, while I have many days when I wish I was just good at something… And plenty of days when I don’t think mothering is that “something”. I will rest knowing that the Great Shepherd is the one that is Good at it all…and it is Him that strengthens me in the great job of mothering.